Extrovert Privilege
Introverts are highly underrated
So, I recently started reading this book called Quiet, by Susan Cain, and I didn’t really know what to expect. I got it for my birthday from my best friend after giving him my wish list, honestly just a bunch of books, and he said that based off the title (and the subtitle that reads: the power of introverts in a world that won’t stop talking) he figured it would give me some kind of competitive edge as it would broaden my perspective. See I am what you could refer to as an extroverted extrovert, best around people and almost a lost cause without them. Over the past few years I have found a new sense of appreciation for solitude. It honestly used to scare me, being alone was far from pleasant for me and often I filled the gaps of solitude with sleep. I used to say that “silence reminds me of death” and I think it is fair to say that I don’t feel that way anymore however the reality is that an introvert is an adjective that could never be placed next to my name.
What I have learnt thus far:
1. That extrovert privilege is a real thing. I had no idea, or rather I was quite oblivious, to how true this is.
2. Introversion is highly misunderstood and underappreciated.
3. Too many introverts are forced out of their natural ways to assimilate and find a powerful position in this crazy world because of point number one.
After starting this book, I wanted to see if there were any books that explicitly spoke about the empowering of extroverts or being comfortable with one’s extroversion, and I truly struggled to find anything. This was all before realising that every other self-help book is essentially marketing the idea of extroversion and how to be the best version of one. Whether it tackles how to make friends and make people generally like you, quite ridiculous if you ask me, to how to find comfort in the constant presence of others. MESSY!
I would be lying if I said it wasn’t comforting to find out that I actually have some kind of privilege, being a black female and all. I also felt bad because every time any introvert has voiced out how they wish they were extroverted I have acted out quite defensively by explaining that it comes with its own problems, which is true, without considering the societal imbalance. Thus, I felt as though their craving was ridiculous. This was up until Cain mentioned an example that was close to home.
The importance of extroversion within the church.
In the book Cain actually visits a charismatic megachurch of sorts and her findings regarding the importance of extroversion within religious institutions made me reflect on my own experience.
I am quite invested in my church as my faith forms the foundation of the way I have decided to go about my life. This led to me being heavily involved with the management of my campus ministry straight after leaving high school and I noticed something. There were many people that believed that I had a future in the full-time ministry, this didn’t include me. I seemed to tick what the church had deemed as the necessary character traits to fulfill such a position and this meant that the leadership of our ministry spent quite a bit of time trying to train me and prepare me to inevitably end up fulfilling THEIR dreams. I am fortunate enough to have an older sister who constantly looks out for me and she noticed what was going on way before I had. I remember her stressing that I shouldn’t allow the expectations that other people have placed on me to transform into delusional dreams I fabricate for myself. She spoke to me about how people confuse my bubbly and generally extroverted disposition as eagerness. Then I started asking around to see if there were people within our ministry that actually wanted to form part of the full-time ministry someday and to my surprise quite a few people said yes. So why was it that these people weren’t receiving nearly as much attention as I seemed to be receiving. They were actually eager; their hearts were in the right place and they were so willing to learn but the gag is that they leaned more towards introversion on the “personality spectrum”. They were the gentle and quiet people, people that were uncomfortable with the idea of being the center of attention. With the church falling into the trap that society has built, the people that are actually worthy of a position are over-sighted. This is just a micro example of how this is happening on a massive macro scale.
Like I said, I only started the book recently and yet here I am able to type out a full lesson learnt. So, here’s to the next lessons I might not be ready to learn but I am definitely ready to document.
